I've never used this blog as a means to solicit parenting advice but I know a lot of moms are out there reading it - so why not? Thanks in advance for taking the time to read about my new mom dilemma (and I totally realize this is most likely just a "new mom" issue). In return for your advice I've posted a *MOST HILARIOUS* photo of Little Dawg and his dad up to their usual antics.
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Subject: Sleeping and Crying It Out
M has been a pretty good sleeper most of his short life so far. At seven months, he is usually going down at 7 PM and waking up around 5:45 AM, takes a bottle, then sleeps a little longer.
He usually takes two naps a day now. They are lasting anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half (but mostly on the short side of that range).
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The way I get him to go to sleep at night goes like this: bathtime, dinner, a little playtime, then upstairs for the "Snuggling Song" where I hold him in my arms and bounce him on my shoulder for about 5 to 10 minutes. He is usually asleep by the time I lay him in his crib or very close. Then he turns over and sucks his thumb and is out. Often he wakes after 30 or 45 minutes and I just rub his back for a minute and he goes back down for the rest of the night.
I bounce and hold him to go down for naps as well.
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The dilemma is that I am one of the only people that can get him to go to sleep. Michael is beginning to do it at night now and it is going well. That's about it though. My goal is to get him to the point where someone can lay him down in his crib and he will fall asleep on his own. I have tried letting him "cry it out" before a nap. I can last 15 minutes (of pure torture listening to my baby scream his head off) but then I cave. There are tons of books out there and millions of theories...most say that I NEED to let him cry it out and teach himself how to fall asleep on his own. My doctor tells me the same thing.
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Moms out there...what did you do? What worked? What's your opinion on crying it out? Any sleep advice? THANKS!!!
9 comments:
This was probably one of the hardest things I dealt with when Reese was little. Obviously each child is different but this is how my crazy experience went...I didn't start trying to let her cry it out until she was 10 months old (I know!!). She NEVER let anyone else get her to sleep. I had finally had enough of trying to make her go to sleep so I told my husband we were going to let her cry as long as it took. The first night it took 45 minutes!! We just turned on the TV really loud and ignored her. The crying time eventually got shorter and hearing it got easier. ; ) I also always gave her a bath right before bed and I helped relax her a bit (just a little). She is definitely a spit fire so I just had to figure out what worked for her. To be honest she is two now and still some nights will cry when I put her down!! Good luck!! I hope you get some better advice than this!
Oh - you know moms LOVE to give advice!
We have gone all over the board with Charlotte. But, when we do decide to let her cry it out, it does work. It is VERY hard. If you want to try it, just don't sit downstairs listening to him cry. Turn the monitor off, and go outside and read a book. Make yourself sit out there for 30 minutes (I know -forever!). Then poke your head in and listen. If you don't hear anything - awesome, if you do, go back outside and let it go for another 30. I think I've read that you shouldn't go longer than an hour. If at an hour he still isn't asleep - you just pick him, and try again the next day. Eventually it will work and make BOTH of your lives easier. It is so worth it in the long run.
I would have let her cry it out last Friday when you were at my house - but you kept looking at me like I was so mean, so I caved. :)
I struggled with whether to comment or not on-line vs just giving you a call, because I am opening myself up to all kinds of gasps and sighs with my answer...
We've never really had the kids on a schedule. When they were babies, I just let them play until they were too tired to keep playing...and then I'd put them down and they were out like a light. Both were different. With Gabe, he was older than 2 before he slept all night long. Ethan slept all night from the day we brought him home. But I couldn't stand to let them cry. In fact, we've never really been strict about a schedule with much of anything. The only real exception to that is, now that they are older, a bedtime of 9:00 on weeknights.
Our pediatrician has told me that it's fine to allow the baby to cry for a couple of minutes, but if they are allowed to cry longer than that, it can lead to insecurity.
Whatever you decide, I would not recommend leaving him alone for a period of time without checking in on him. We've treated all sorts of head and neck injuries, some severe, because the parents were letting the child "cry it out" and the baby managed to flip itself out of the crib. The parents didn't realize that the baby was crying because it was hurt, because they thought they were just crying because they were left to go to sleep. Just something to think about.
And by the way, I almost never tell the kids to go to bed anymore, they just go when they are tired. And most of the time, it's before the 9:00 bedtime. Now getting them to take baths and brush their teeth, that's a completely different story. :)
So there are my thoughts, for what it's worth...
~Jen
Hey, I am a friend of Lauren Sanders and found your blog that way. I consider myself a sleep nazi because, well, I'm a little selfish and have to have MY sleep. We let both of our babies, now four and seven months cry it out from the beginning. I know this sounds awful but they both slept through the night around 11 weeks. It is VERY hard and every time they would cry, I would call someone and cry myself (on the front porch!). I have a friend with two boys almost the same ages as my kids and she just let her 10.5 month old start crying it out. With her first, she never did it and always felt like he was unpredictable. Now that she has done it with her second son, she believes! If you can get to my blog, her blog is listed on the side and you can read about her experience, she just did this about two weeks ago. Also, my "bible" is a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I feel like it is a great combo of keeping your child feeling secure and also teaching them how to sleep. Good Luck!
Oh - ditto on "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" - it rocks.
Hi Allison! Have to agree with everyone else. Don't sit and listen to it. Turn up the tv (not loud enough for him to hear) or even better go outside and just check in every so often. We have always done it this way and I have to think the sooner the better. They learn quick!
I don't know why I am even commenting considering my latest dilemma with my baby sleeping in my bed again so you can imagine I have not been a fan of letting them cry it out. Which is probably why he is spoiled.
Sometimes though he won't let me rock him and can't be consoled so he has to cry himself to sleep. This usually only happens at nap time. I often will let him cry for 10 minutes or so to get him tired and go back in his room and sing/soothe him. He usually will go right off.
At night he always goes to sleep in my arms. Most of the time the transfer to the crib wakes him, but he goes on off to sleep pretty quickly.
I have never let him cry it out longer than 30 minutes and those are rare occasions.
He has slept through the night from 4 months until about 2 weeks ago at 7 month. Last night he slept again all night in his crib. Fingers crossed that crazy 2 week period is over.
I try to remember that there will be a time when he won't want to be rocked by me or sleep in my bed and enjoy the time now b/c I know when it is gone I will miss it. OMG...I just teared up!
Allison,
I, too, do not feel like the best person to give this advice because Hudson still wakes up sometime in the middle of the night and gets in bed with us.
We did let him cry it out when he was 6 months old though. The key is to watch the clock...because 15 minutes feels like 15 years! I would go in every 15 to 20 minutes and check on him, lay him back down, and tell him goodnight. The first night it took an hour. The second night it took less than 30 minutes, and after that it was quick quick!
Our whole new set of night time dilemnas came when he could climb/fall out of his crib and we had to move to a big boy bed!
Good luck!
Oh, this is such a touchy subject between moms and a really personal decision. However, I'll say from my experience and from the moms I know, those that let their kids cry it out (CIO) and really stuck to it, their kids are great sleepers now while most of those that didn't are still dealing with sleep issues.
I let Handley cry it out (CIO) starting when she was about 3 1/2 months old for naps. She'd cry even if I was holding her so I didn't feel as bad doing it younger. I think she is just one of those kids that has to fuss a little before getting to sleep (still does that now and she's 2!). At night she'd go right down so that wasn't our problem. It was hard to listen to, but like someone else said it did get easier (and shorter). Like other's also said, don't sit and listen. Do something to keep yourself busy (I would vacuum, take a shower, go outside and get the mail, etc.) and just keep checking on him every 10-15 mins. to see if he's asleep. Watch the clock though because when they cry it can seem like FOREVER. Each day will probably get shorter and easier.
Now, Harper is the same age Handley was when I started letting her CIO but I can't imagine doing it with her. I do put her in the crib awake, but if she starts crying I know that if I go in and pop the paci in her mouth she'll be able to get to sleep. Sometimes I'll let her cry for a few mins and then go back in to give her the paci and she'll finally go to sleep. Handley never took a paci so this time around has been a whole new ballgame.
Whatever you decide, good luck and keep everyone posted on how it goes.
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