The end of my maternity leave has been coming at me like a freight train for the past two weeks. I have purposely avoided talking much about it...and thinking about it. I have basically been living in denial for the last month. But here we finally are. Wednesday is my official first day back at work. It's a rediculous roller coaster of emotions to be honest. I'm a new person now. A totally different person. And my heart feels so huge that it could jump out of my body at any given minute. It's out there in the open - vulnerable and oh-so-fragile.
I am so relieved that we found childcare that we are confident in. They are by far the best in town and have even allowed me to bring Marshall in for a few hours each day for the last 3 days so we could all get use to our new situation. Everyone already knows him by name and comes to greet him when he arrives. He gets to enjoy rides in the "bye, bye, buggie" and make little friends. He smiles and grins back at them. The building is brand spanking new, cleaner than our house, and set up so that Marshall has two cribs with his name on it where only he will sleep. There is even (and I'm not kidding) a waterpark and mini-tennis and basketball courts in the back of the building. Best of all, there is only one other baby in the room with Marshall most of the time...so he's basically got a nanny all to himself there. Her name is Egna. She is a small, petite lady. She is so sweet....she hugs him and reads to him and she even got him to sleep in the crib today for over an hour (NOTE: I have not been able to get him to nap anywhere but the Magic Seat!)! He will be going to see her three days a week. The other two days will be spent with either his dad, mom, Grammy or Grandma.
It sounds like a very do-able situation! It sounds almost as ideal as it can get, right? I keep talking myself through this scenario over and over. But it is the hardest thing I've ever done. Please say a prayer for us this week!
7 comments:
Allison, I will def be thinking about you and say a little prayer for you!! I hope all goes well!!
Sounds like a great place! I know what you mean...sounds good in your head...it's your heart you've got to convince. :-) Just remember you're a great mom...and don't compare your situation to others. I'll say a prayer for you.
When you become a Mom, you are never the same again. Your heart is always walking around outside of you. Believe me, even when your first born is almost 30, that NEVER goes away. I will be thinking of you on Wednesday.
Love,
Mrs. A
Oh Allison! I've been thinking about you and wondering when this time is going to come. I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. The place you have set up for Marshall sounds WONDERFUL though and I pray that you guys all have a smooth transition.
hang in there! The place sounds awesome and he will get lots of attention w/ only one other baby! enjoy your last day of maternity leave! (at least w/ Marshall)
This is totally do-able. From a mom who has been there twice...there will actually come a day when you say to yourself "I think I'll head out from work early today...and while he's still at daycare, I think I'll go to the mall!!" :)
Making the decision to go back to work wasn't easy for me by any means, but everyone either goes back or stays home (or a little of both)for different reasons. You can't let anyone tell you that you've made the right or the wrong decision...only you and Michael can make that decision. For me, I absolutely love my role as a mom and wife, but I also love my role as a nurse. I know God placed those two precious (most of the time) :) little boys in my care to raise into the best men possible, but I also know he created me to be a nurse. They are both me...I wouldn't be complete if I were missing either role.
Wherever this role of "mommy" takes you, I know one thing for sure...you'll do great.
Love,
Jen
i know exactly how you feel. 110%. i've been back almost four weeks now. it's still hard--especially when you come home EXHAUSTED and you're almost too tired to play/hold/cuddle your child and then you feel guilty--and it doesn't get easier per se, but it does get ROUTINE and that's a good thing. after awhile it's all you know.
i'm sending lots of thoughts, prayers, and love your way tomorrow.
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